I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
