the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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