bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize