I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
