I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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