i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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