READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize