note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
