Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
