sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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