I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize