i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
