Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
