I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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