WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
