my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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