im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
