Im at strip club and am horny
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
