watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
