Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize