3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
