i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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