You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
