I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
