How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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