omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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