Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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