but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
