I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
