Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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