porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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