Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
