I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
