return my video game
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
