His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just tell him i said nine months
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
