Do you still have your period?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
