sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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