The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
