With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
