Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize