the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
