I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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