white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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