I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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