What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
