My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
