I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
