and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
