so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
