He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
