you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
