A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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