literally had 100 drinks last night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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