This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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