We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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