He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
