if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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