It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
