You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
