please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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