Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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