He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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