Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
nutella sex= disaster
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
