If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
