marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize