I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
