none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
